Japanese couples say "I do" -- in divorce ceremonies

By Laurel Moorhead Laurel Moorhead

TOKYO (Reuters) – With divorce on the rise in Japan, some couples are choosing to celebrate the end of an unhappy marriage by saying "I do" for a final time at a divorce ceremony before friends and family.

Divorce ceremonies were pioneered about a year ago by a former salesman, Hiroki Terai, who set up a "divorce mansion" in a small undercover space in Tokyo.

Since then about 25 couples have each paid 55,000 yen ($606) to hold a ceremony with all the pomp and grandeur of a wedding that publicly ends their relationship before they officially file for divorce. Terai said he had received more than 900 inquiries.

The latest couple, who called themselves Mr. and Mrs. Fujii, met near Sensoji Temple in Tokyo's traditional Asakusa area on Sunday and rode in separate rickshaws to the "divorce mansion."

"By putting an end to our marriage, we wanted to give ourselves fresh starts and give our lives a sense of renewal," Mr. Fujii, a 33-year-old businessman, told Reuters Television.

He said he felt responsible for the failure of his marriage as he spent too much time away from home and too much money on his various interests including cars - despite numerous warnings from his wife.

Friends and family of the Fujii couple followed closely behind the rickshaws on foot, arriving at the "divorce mansion" for a ceremony where they smashed their wedding ring with a gavel, a gesture signifying the end of their partnership.

The gavel has a frog's head as frogs symbolize change in Japanese culture.

"When we smashed the ring together, I felt like "oh, this is the end of it, really" and my heart and soul felt renewed. Now I feel I can have a new life and start all over again," said Mr. Fujii.

His wife of eight years also expressed her relief.

"The moment I saw the smashed ring, I said to myself, "Yes! That feels so good,"" Mrs. Fujii said.

Terai, who is believed to be Japan's first "divorce ceremony planner," came up with the idea of divorce ceremonies to help couples celebrate their decision to separate after one of his friends was going through a bitter divorce.

Divorce is on the rise in Japan where it was once taboo with about 251,000 divorces taking place in 2008, partly blamed on the poor economy taking its toll on romance.

Next month Terai heads off on his first business venture abroad to Korea to officially divorce a couple in Seoul.

"I started this ceremony in April last year thinking that there should be a positive way to end a marriage and move on by making a vow to restart their lives in front of loved ones," Terai said.
(Editing by Belinda Goldsmith)

15 Ways to Predict Divorce

15 Ways to Predict Divorce
by Anneli Rufus

Please review the divorce calculator mentioned at the end of this article, which contains a relevant cite from attorney Kelly Chang Rickert.

How long will your marriage last? Depends on if you smoke, which church you go to, and which state you live in. Anneli Rufus on the shocking statistics.

You can't guarantee the longevity of a marriage, but what you can do is play the odds.

Researchers have studied marriage success rates from nearly every conceivable angle, and what they've found is that everything from smoking habits to what state you live in can predict how likely it is that your union will survive. Here are 15 ways to gauge whether your marriage is for the long haul—or on the fast track to Splitsville.

1. If you're a married American, your marriage is between 40 and 50 percent likely to end in divorce.
After peaking at 50 percent in the 1980s, the national divorce rate has dropped steadily, but in the public's mind, that outdated "half of all marriages" figure still sticks—and scares. "Inflated divorce statistics create an ambivalence about marriage," says Tara Parker-Pope, author of For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage. "The bottom line is that modern marriages are getting more and more resilient. With each generation, we're getting a little better about picking mates. A different kind of marriage is emerging in this century." (Source: David Popenoe, "The Future of Marriage in America," University of Virginia/National Marriage Project/The State of Our Unions, 2007)

2. If you live in a red state, you're 27 percent more likely to get divorced than if you live in a blue state.

Maybe that's because red-state couples traditionally marry younger—and the younger the partners, the riskier the marriage. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the states with the lowest median age at marriage are Utah, Arkansas, Kentucky, and Oklahoma. (Source: National Vital Statistics Report, 2003; cited in The Compassionate Community: Ten Values to Unite America, by Jonathan Miller and Al Gore)

3. If you argue with your spouse about finances once a week, your marriage is 30 percent more likely to end in divorce than if you argue with your spouse about finances less frequently.
Money woes kill marriages. The same study also found that couples with no assets at the beginning of a three-year period are 70 percent more likely to divorce by the end of that period than couples with $10,000 in assets. Most divorce risk factors—such as age and education level—correlate with poverty, says Statistics in Plain English author Timothy Urdan. "Whenever you see an explanation for anything, try to figure out what the explanations are for those explanations." (Source: Jeffrey Dew, "Bank on It: Thrifty Couples Are the Happiest," University of Virginia/National Marriage Project/The State of Our Unions, 2009)

4. If your parents were divorced, you're at least 40 percent more likely to get divorced than if they weren't. If your parents married others after divorcing, you're 91 percent more likely to get divorced.
This could be because witnessing our parents' divorces reinforces our ambivalence about commitment in a "disposable society," says Divorce Magazine publisher Dan Couvrette. "In most people's minds, it's easier to get a new car than fix the one you've got." (Source: Nicholas Wolfinger, Understanding the Divorce Cycle, Cambridge University Press, 2005)

5. If only one partner in your marriage is a smoker, you're 75 percent to 91 percent more likely to divorce than smokers who are married to fellow smokers.
"The more similar people are in their values, backgrounds, and life goals, the more likely they are to have a successful marriage," notes Tara Parker-Pope. From age to ethnicity to unhealthy habits, dissimilarities between spouses increase divorce risks. (Source: Rebecca Kippen, Bruce Chapman and Peng Yu, "What's Love Got to Do With It? Homogamy and Dyadic Approaches to Understanding Marital Instability," Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, 2009)

6. If you have a daughter, you're nearly 5 percent more likely to divorce than if you have a son.
This figure multiplies with the numbers of daughters or sons. "We think it happens because fathers get more invested in family life when they have boys," says Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage, a History and director of research for the Council on Contemporary Families.
(Source: Gordon Dahl and Enrico Moretti, "The Demand for Sons," published in the Review of Economic Studies, 2005)

7. If you're an evangelical Christian adult who has been married, there's a 26 percent likelihood that you've been divorced—compared to a 28 percent chance for Catholics and a 38 percent chance for non-Christians.
That's according to the evangelically affiliated Barna Research Group, whose long-term clients include the Disney Channel. The same study cited a 30 percent divorce rate for atheists.
(Source: The Barna Group, "Divorce Among Adults Who Have Been Married," 2008)http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/15-familykids/42-new-marriage-and-divorce-statistics-released

8. If you live in Wayne County, Indiana, and are over 15 years old, there's a 19.2 percent chance that you've been divorced.
This mostly rural county hugging the Ohio border, renowned in the 1920s as a KKK stronghold, leads the nation in percentage of divorced residents. Florida's Monroe County, which includes the Keys, holds second place at 18 percent. (Source: U.S. Census Bureau, 2008 estimates)

9. If both you and your partner have had previous marriages, you're 90 percent more likely to get divorced than if this had been the first marriage for both of you.
"A lot of data shows that second marriages should be more successful than first marriages," says Tara Parker-Pope. But this statistic is skewed by serial marriers, "and no one has yet found a way to take the Larry Kings and Elizabeth Taylors out of the equation." (Source: Rebecca Kippen, Bruce Chapman and Peng Yu, "What's Love Got to Do With It? Homogamy and Dyadic Approaches to Understanding Marital Instability," Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, 2009)

10. If you're a woman two or more years older than your husband, your marriage is 53 percent more likely to end in divorce than if he was one year younger to three years older.
Wide age gaps between spouses can create sexual discord and other disagreements. "Our culture is so focused on personal satisfaction and happiness that some people feel this is a contributing factor in divorce," says lawyer Emily Doskow, author of Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce. "Each partner keeps saying, 'I know I could be happier.'" (Source: Rebecca Kippen, Bruce Chapman and Peng Yu, "What's Love Got to Do With It? Homogamy and Dyadic Approaches to Understanding Marital Instability," Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, 2009)

11. If you're of "below average" intelligence, you're 50 percent more likely to be divorced than those of "above average" intelligence.
Presented by University of Delaware education professor Linda Gottfredson, codirector of the Delaware-Johns Hopkins Project for the Study of Intelligence and Society, this figure joins assertions in Richard Herrnstein and Charles Murray's controversial 1994 bestseller The Bell Curve that those with IQs of 100 face a 28 percent probability of divorce in the first five years of marriage, compared to just a 9 percent probability for those with IQs of 130. (Source: Linda S. Gottfredson, "The General Intelligence Factor," Scientific American, Winter 1998, and Richard J. Herrnstein and Charles A. Murray, The Bell Curve: Intelligence and Class Structure in American Life, Simon & Schuster, 1994, page 176)

12. If you've been diagnosed with cervical cancer, your likelihood of getting divorced is 40 percent higher than standard rates; it's 20 percent higher if you've been diagnosed with testicular cancer.
Norwegian Cancer Registry researcher Astri Syse suspects that this is because these two cancers affect sexual activity and afflict mainly young people. Syse also found that breast-cancer survivors, an older group, are 8 percent less likely to divorce than their counterparts who have not had breast cancer. (Source: Astri Syse, "Couples More Likely to Divorce if Spouse Develops Cervical or Testicular Cancer," study presented at the European Cancer Conference, 2007)

13. If you have twins or triplets, your marriage is 17 percent more likely to end in divorce than if your children are not multiple births.
Multiple births bring money woes, which bring stress. "I always think of marriage as a bridge that connects two hills," says Brette Sember, author of The Divorce Organizer & Planner. "The bridge might be solid and well-made, but if an earthquake causes one or both hills to shake, the bridge is weakened." (Source: Stephen McKay, "The Effects of Twins and Multiple Births on Families and Their Living Standards," Twins and Multiple Births Association, 2010)

14. If you're a female serial cohabiter—a woman who has lived with more than one partner before your first marriage—then you're 40 percent more likely to get divorced than women who have never done so.
Although "playing house" seems like good practice for married life, it can also make living together seem less permanent. "People feel like, 'If it doesn't work out, we can just step out of this,'" says lawyer Emily Doskow. Statistics show that marriages preceded by cohabitation have better chances of success when couples became officially engaged before moving in together.
(Source: Daniel T. Lichter, Zhenchao Qian, "Serial Cohabitation: Implications for Marriage, Divorce, and Public Policy," Brown University Population and Training Center, 2007)

15. If you're in a male same-sex marriage, it's 50 percent more likely to end in divorce than a heterosexual marriage.

If you're in a female same-sex marriage, this figure soars to 167 percent.
A research team led by Stockholm University demography professor Gunnar Anderson based their calculations on legal partnerships in Norway and Sweden, where five out of every 1,000 new couples are same-sex. (Source: Gunnar Andersson, "Divorce-Risk Patterns in Same-Sex Marriages in Norway and Sweden," Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, 2004)
Want to assess your own marriage's chances of failure based on your personal demographics? Economist Betsey Stevenson created this "divorce calculator" for the Divorce360 website:
http://www.divorce360.com/content/divorcecalculator.aspx

Anneli Rufus is the author of many books, including Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto and the Nautilus Award-winning Stuck: Why We Don't (or Won't) Move On, and the coauthor of still more, including Weird Europe and The Scavengers' Manifesto. Her books have been translated into numerous languages, including Chinese and Latvian. In 2006, she won a Society of Professional Journalists award for criticism.

Money Fights Predict Divorce Rates

http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/07/money-fights-predict-divorce-rates/

By CATHERINE RAMPELL

You know it in your gut, and you’ve seen it in the splintered marriages around you. Finance-related tensions — however you define them — raise the risk of divorce.

A new study, by Jeffrey Dew at Utah State University, attempts to quantify that risk. His finding: Couples who reported disagreeing about finance once a week were over 30 percent more likely to get divorced than couples who reported disagreeing about finances a few times a month.
Jeffrey Dew. Data analysis based on the National Survey of Families and Households.
Professor Dew looked at responses from about 2,800 couples surveyed in 1987 by the National Survey of Families and Households. In this survey, both husbands and wives were asked, separately, about how often they disagreed with their spouse over chores, in-laws, spending time together, sex and money. These same respondents were then contacted again several years later, in 1992, and asked if they were still married.

Of all these common things couples fight about, money disputes were the best harbingers of divorce. For wives, disagreements over finances and sex were good predictors of divorce, but finance disputes were much stronger predictors. For husbands, financial disagreements were the only type of common disagreement that predicted whether they would get a divorce.
These findings were presented last month at the annual conference of the National Council on Family Relations, and appear in “The State of Our Unions,” a report on marriage and money released today by the University of Virginia’s National Marriage Project and the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values.

For some suggested money-related discussions couples should have before getting hitched, go here.

Date of Separation and Why It Matters in California

DATE OF SEPARATION: WHY DOES IT MATTER?

So why does it matter? Short answer: California is a community property state. In California, the date of separation determines the end of the community.

The date of separation matters in division of property and in spousal support.

PROPERTY DIVISION

For example, John and Jane Smith marry 1/1/2000. They separate 12/31/2000.

Jane wins the lottery on 12/31/00. John wins the lottery on 1/1/01.

According to Family Code section 771, which states, "a) The earnings and accumulations of a spouse and the minor children living with, or in the custody of, the spouse, while living
separate and apart from the other spouse, are the separate property of the spouse. "

SO...Jane's lotto winnings are community, and John's are NOT.

SPOUSAL SUPPORT

For example, John and Jane Smith marry 1/1/00. John moves out 12/31/07, into his own apartment with his girlfriend and remained living with his girlfriend up through the date of trial.

John filed for divorce 1/1/2010.

Although John did not sleep in the family residence, he maintained continual and frequent contacts with Jane and children, including dinner every night in 2008 and 2009. John also maintained his mailing address at the family residence. John also took Jane on 2 trips in 2008. John also took Jane to social functions, friends’ homes, dinners for professional and academic groups, etc. in 2008 and 2009. John also sent Jane numerous Christmas, birthday and anniversary cards, including at least one card, in which John said he loved Jane. John and Jane continued to file joint tax returns and John paid all the household bills. John even brought his laundry home every week and Jane would wash and iron it. John and Jane did not have sex after 12/31/07. At all times during the period of physical separation prior to filing the Petition, Jane maintained she “desired” a reconciliation.

When was the date of separation?

Those are the exact facts of the case of In Re Marriage of Baragry (1977), 73 Cal.App.3d 444. The Court held that the date of separation was 1/1/10, the date of the filing of divorce.

TWO-PRONG TEST

The critical inquiry is whether the parties' conduct evidences a complete and final break in the marriage relationship.

For this, the Court uses a two-prong test to determine the date of separation: Objective and Subjective.

1. Objective Test
To answer the objective test, the court will determine when you started living apart from each other. That usually happens when one of you moves out of the family home. In today’s tough economic times, however, that is no longer an option for some, because it often is too expensive to maintain two separate residences. Even if spouses are still living in the same home, there are ways to ensure physical separation.

As California Courts put it, “Our conclusion does not necessarily rule out the possibility of some spouses living apart physically while still occupying the same dwelling. In such cases, however, the evidence would need to demonstrate unambiguous, objectively ascertainable conduct amounting to a physical separation under the same roof. (Marriage of Norviel) If this is a concern for you, you should always consult an attorney for more information.


2. Subjective Test
Physical separation is not enough to show that you separated. Some people are living separate from each other for extended periods but do not intend to end their marriage. That intent is the subjective part the court will consider. At what point did one or both of you think that the marriage was over? When did you decide that you no longer wanted to stay married? In essence, the court will look at your conduct toward each other to see when the marriage “ended.”

Please note: Marriage counseling is usually a good indicator that you are NOT intending to separate.

AshleyMadison Enables Married Cheaters In Rough Economy

So...people can't afford divorce these days. Instead, they pay for online subscription to...cheat?





Michiganders flock to Web site for flings with married cheatersAshleyMadison.com hooks up people bent on adultery
BY PATRICIA MONTEMURRIFREE PRESS STAFF WRITER

"Drew" is a 37-year-old businessman who lives in the Troy area.

His wife is consumed with work. And they don't have sex.

"The truth is I love my wife, but sometimes I feel like I need something on the side," says Drew, who spoke to the Free Press on the condition of anonymity.

So Drew hooks up through the adultery dating service AshleyMadison.com. He said he has met, and had sex with, about 10 women, and he credits the illicit trysts with helping him stay married.

"It has enabled me to meet women in my similar situation and has helped fill the void of the lack of intimacy in my life," says Drew, whose wife has no clue. "Strange as it may sound, it's helped my marriage. The pressure is off ... It's probably a lot cheaper than divorce."

Drew's story dovetails with the sales pitch masterminded by AshleyMadison's founder, Noel Biderman, a Toronto-based sports lawyer who has cleverly and profitably engineered a moneymaker from pairing human foibles with the Internet's social networking reach.
AshleyMadison -- named after two of the most popular baby names for girls -- was born in 2001. And if the site's growing popularity offers a clue, the Michigan economy's swoon means boom times for infidelity.

In Michigan, the site has grown from 38,000 members as of June 1, 2008, to 110,000 twelve months later. Biderman's theory is that economic instability forces shaky couples to stay together -- they can't afford to get divorced. Infidelity becomes a more likely option.
Research does indicate that as work demands and stress increase, so do marital conflicts. Financial declines have always triggered an increase in a range of unhealthy behaviors.
Some 43% of U.S. couples said they are arguing more about money because of the recession, according to the recent "Can't Buy Me Love" poll by Internet payment company PayPal.
Biderman is unapologetic and doesn't shy from controversy or confronting the opposition. He has faced down critics on "The View," "Larry King Live" and "The Tyra Banks Show."
Politicians nationwide also are providing plenty of fodder for discussions about infidelity -- Wednesday, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford confessed that he secretly left the state to travel to Argentina to be with his mistress -- and Biderman isn't letting the opportunity for free publicity pass. Earlier this month, AshleyMadison was in the news when a Las Vegas newspaper rejected its full-page ad capitalizing on Nevada Sen. John Ensign's admission of an extramarital affair. Biderman placed a similar ad in the New York Post when Gov. Eliot Spitzer resigned after he was caught using an escort service.

"I know people want to vilify me," Biderman said. "I argue back that I didn't invent infidelity."
At the Free Press' request, an AshleyMadison public relations person sent out an e-mail asking if potential cheaters would anonymously speak to a reporter.

One woman, a Detroiter in her late 40s, says she intends to end an 8-year marriage because it has not emotionally, physically or mentally "measured up."

Several months ago, she heard about AshleyMadison on the radio and signed up in February.
It's free to become a member and to create a profile and search others. But to chat with another member, a user has to buy credits-- $49 for 100 credits (it takes five credits to initiate a chat; subsequent back-and-forth chats are free). For the Affair Guarantee Membership it's $249 and the Web site will refund your money if you don't have an affair in three months. "If somebody had a genuine, sincere message and sounded like a nice person, I would send a message back," she says. "You had to really weed through those who didn't want what you wanted."
She said she wanted somebody to have a conversation with, too, before he became a friend with benefits.

The Detroiter chatted online with 10 to 15 guys. She met five of them face-to-face. She met four of them more than once. "I'm not looking to be physical right away at all," she'd tell them, "so please don't go there with me."

Now she says she is regularly seeing a "very nice person" who is married and does not want to leave his wife. She sees him a couple of times a week, meeting in hotels.
"He's filling the things that are lacking. He treats me extremely well. He's a professional. He makes really good money. He's very, very intelligent and very well-educated," she says. "I enjoy intelligent conversation. It's something I can't have in my marriage."

Her husband, she says, has no idea what she's doing.

Biderman says he's providing a service to people who would cheat anyway. But recently listeners of 89X-FM (88.7) radio's morning show, weren't so convinced.

"I think it's absolutely ridiculous that he set up a Web site to help people cheat," a female caller said. "This is the worst thing you can possibly do to somebody you care about."
A caller named Ryan says he's happy in a 7-year relationship, but knowing about the site "makes me want to call it.

"It provides a temptation, you know, for people who might be in a happy relationship, but at the same time (think) hey, maybe I can get away with it," the caller said.
Another caller, Natalie, said her ex-husband cheated on her through dating sites, and she found out.

"I was never mad at the Web sites," Natalie says. "The bottom line is if somebody's going to cheat, they're going to cheat."

Biderman's got a catchy retort for nearly every argument people throw at him.

Adultery is the "only thing in the world people think is immoral but a consensus still do it," he says.

"What I'm saying is don't have an office romance and risk losing your job," Biderman has said. "Don't start a relationship with an unsuspecting single person and definitely don't visit an escort service and risk breaking the law.

"...We're secure, anonymous and it was created exactly for people like you."
Biderman has been married for seven years. He and his wife, Amanda, have two children, and he describes his marriage as happy and secure.

"I've been a faithful person my entire life," he says, but adds provocatively, "to date."
Contact PATRICIA MONTEMURRI : 313-223-4538 or pmontemurri@freepress.com

Recession-Proof Marriage?

True love? Or tough times? I've been asked by several people whether my practice is being affected by this rough economy. Luckily - I am fine - but my colleagues have suffered...and here is why...

What God Has Joined Together, Recession Makes Hard to Put Asunder
For Some, the Downturn Keeps Divorce on Ice; Ms. Brewster, Husband Share a House Divided

By JENNIFER LEVITZ
Rhonda Brewster and her husband have decided they don't want to be married to each other anymore. But while they're ready to move on, they still can't move out.

They don't want to sell their home, in Huntsville, Ala., in a down market. They can't afford two households until Ms. Brewster finds steady work. So for now, they are living under the same roof but on separate floors.

The "kids are OK with it." says Ms. Brewster, a 39-year-old freelance writer and stay-at-home mother. "They just know that mommy lives upstairs and daddy lives in the basement."

Unwinding the ties of matrimony is rarely simple or inexpensive, but for many couples, the sour economy is complicating the process further.

Divorce lawyers say many couples are delaying the decision to dissolve marriages and are staying in unpleasant situations for fear of being on their own at a time of economic uncertainty. Others are being forced to live together after the divorce is final for financial convenience. That can strain the emotions and result in awkward negotiations about subjects like dating.

In Nashville, Tenn., Randy and Lori Word jointly filed for divorce in February, after 10 years of marriage, and expect to get a court date this summer. Meanwhile, they continue to share a house while Ms. Word -- who had been a stay-at-home mother in recent years -- tries to find work in marketing. "I don't see jobs out there," she says.

Things are getting a little cramped in the house. Mr. Word, a 36-year-old construction-project manager, keeps his clothes in boxes in the study and sleeps in the living room. "Luckily, we bought a very nice couch two years ago," he says.

Ms. Word, who is 37, works part time as a waitress while she is searching for full-time work. Some nights she returns home from a shift to find Mr. Word in the bed complaining that his back can't take another night on the couch -- and asking her to please sleep in the living room, which she does.

Both say they are actually getting along better now that they are no longer in an emotional marital relationship.

"We're a lot kinder to each other," says Ms. Word, adding, "We're not so offended and bothered by each other." Mr. Word says, "We've actually developed or redeveloped a friendship that I think had gotten lost a little bit."

A May survey by the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, a national organization for financial professionals who work on divorce cases, found that the recession was delaying divorces, and inspiring "creative divorce solutions" in living arrangements.

"People are saying, 'I've put up with it for the last 10 years, I can put up with it for another year,'" says Gary Nickelson, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. In a poll of 1,600 of its members, the group says, respondents estimated that divorce cases in the six months through March were off 40% from normal levels.

It's still unclear how the recession is affecting divorce rates overall, because of lags in government data. But courts in some major population centers say fewer people have been filing for divorce since the downturn began in late 2007. In New York County 9,349 couples filed for divorce in the first four months of 2009, off 14% from 10,848 in the same period in prerecessionary 2007, according to records from New York State Unified Court System.

In Los Angeles County, divorce filings in the first four months of this year dropped 3%, to 9,048, from the same period last year and are down 9% from the comparable span in 2007, according to records from the Los Angeles Superior Court.

A lull in divorce could be a silver lining in the recession, says Steve Grissom, president of Church Initiative, a Wake Forest, N.C., organization that runs DivorceCare, a national support group. Mr. Grissom says couples who postpone splits may be able to work through problems and reconcile.

Bonnie Hughes, a 51-year-old financial planner, says she developed stomach problems when the real-estate slump turned her marital split into "the divorce that never ends." She and her husband divorced in February 2007, but for financial reasons continued to live together in their house in Chattanooga, Tenn., until the following May. Ms. Hughes moved out, but the ordeal wasn't over. They put the house up for sale, with each planning to use the proceeds to finance the next stages of their lives, Ms. Hughes says, but "it just wasn't selling."

They finally sold in August 2008, after dropping the price by $100,000 to $324,000, which was less than they had paid for the place four years earlier. She used her proceeds to move to Atlanta.

In Alabama, Ms. Brewster and her husband say they are avoiding complications by sticking together even as they plan to part.

The couple decided in March to split after 16 years of marriage. Ms. Brewster has hired a divorce lawyer and says she has been advised to have as little interaction as possible with her husband. Both say reconciliation isn't in the cards.

But to afford two separate households, they either need to sell the house they bought four years ago -- which they don't want to do in a down market -- or wait until Ms. Brewster has steady income.

In the meantime, Ms. Brewster lives on two floors of the house, residing with the couple's two children, plus the family pets: a guinea pig, a squirrel, a dog, two rabbits, two gerbils, five cats and five lizards.

Her husband lives in the finished basement, formerly the family's game room. "We had to take down the pool table so he'd have a place to sleep," she says. He sleeps on an air mattress, and has his own entrance and a full bathroom, though his only cooking equipment is a microwave.
Each calls the other before entering their respective domains; they schedule use of the washer and dryer and negotiate evenings out, Ms. Brewster says.

"He still takes the garbage out and mows the lawn. Sometimes, I will call him and say, 'I know you're eating frozen dinners; I cooked extra, come up,'" Ms. Brewster says. "I try to take the high road in front of the kids. Goodness knows they've seen the bad side of marriage -- the arguing."

Both have resumed dating and have even given each other advice on how to get back into the singles world. Ms. Brewster took the photograph of her husband that he put on match.com, the online dating Web site. On some Saturday nights, she says, they hire a baby sitter so they can both go out, and they share their plans so they won't run into each other.

Their living situation has scared away some potential suitors. "It freaks a lot of them out," says Ms. Brewster. "I tell them upfront: Here's my situation. Eventually I will move on, but I'm not going to do something to mess myself up financially."

Write to Jennifer Levitz at jennifer.levitz@wsj.com