Split Ends: What Happens When the Rich Divorce

$plit ends By LINDA STASI Last Updated: 11:37 AM, March 29, 2011 Posted: 11:11 PM, March 28, 2011

The most shocking thing about tonight's quite interesting CNBC documentary, "Divorce Wars," is the discovery that for insanely greedy newly-rich people, a bad divorce will cost them even more than their out-of-control, million-dollar-plus weddings!

Correspondent Melissa Francis takes a look at some of the most repulsively fascinating -- and expensive -- divorces of recent times including the divorce of the guy who brought us PayPal, Elon Musk. According to divorce-attorney-to-the-rich Raoul Felder, now that we're in the age of no-fault community property splits, divorces are no longer about which spouses cheat -- but about how spouses try to cheat each other out of the shared assets. Take the Musks, for example. He and his future wife, Justine, met when they were in college. Shortly thereafter, they moved in together into a terrible college apartment with two roommates and three dogs. They got married after he struck it rich, and he had her sign a post-nup agreement. Eight years and five kids later, they split and then all hell broke loose. He was worth billions, and she had agreed to a $750,000 post-nup pay out. Fair? Wrong? Incredibly greedy? How much does one guy need?

Then, there's the infamous case of Margaret Spenlinhauer, the Connecticut housewife and mother of scores of kids whose very rich husband immediately seemed to suddenly be not very wealthy after they split up. It took 18 -- yes, 18 -- years for her to personally find the money he'd hidden. And his deception amounted to fraud -- a criminal offense. Another rich guy's wife snooped in his computer, opened his journal and discovered that he considered her an unfit mother. What did she do? Loaded up his computer with kiddie porn and then took it to her attorney. Millions of dollars and a federal investigation later revealed that she had loaded it all up during one week -- when he was out of town -- and then erased the memory so it couldn't be traced back to her. The result? It was so dastardly a deed that she even lost custody of her own kids.

But, seriously, what kind of idiot keeps a journal on his computer? A psycho, that's who.

As Felder says, "If you go into a marriage without a pre-nup, you don't need a lawyer, you need a psychiatrist."

The 7-year itch is now the 3-year glitch

3 Year Glitch?









LONDON (Reuters) – The "three-year glitch" has replaced the "seven-year itch" as the tipping point where couples start to take each other for granted, according to a new survey.

Weight gain, stinginess, toe-nail clippings on the bathroom floor and snoring are a few of the passion-killers that have led to a swifter decline in relationships in the fast-paced 21st century, said the study commissioned by Warner Brothers to promote the release of comedy film "Hall Pass" in UK cinemas.

The survey of 2,000 British adults in steady relationships pinpointed the 36-month mark as the time when relationship stress levels peak and points to a new trend of "pink passes" and "solo" holidays away from partners and spouses that many Britons resort to in order to keep romance alive.

"Longer working hours combined with money worries are clearly taking their toll on modern relationships and we are seeing an increasing trend for solo holidays and weekends away from marriages and relationships in order to revive the romantic spark," said pollster Judi James who oversaw the survey.

The poll compared feedback from those in short-term relationships (defined as less than three years) and people who were married or in longer-term partnerships.

The findings showed that 67 percent of all of those surveyed said that small irritations which are seemingly harmless and often endearing during the first flushes of love often expand into major irritations around 36 months.

More than half of the Brits surveyed (52 percent) who were in younger relationships said they enjoyed sexual relations at least three times a week, compared to just 16 percent of those in relationships older than three years.

This suggests that as we get older together, romance gives way to day to day practicalities, supported by the fact that 55 percent of busy people in longer-term relationships admit that they now have to "schedule" their romantic time.

The report also said that those in the first flush of love can look forward to an average of three compliments a week from their partners - a figure which falls to an average of a single weekly compliment at the three-year high tide mark.

The prognosis gets worse the longer we stay in relationships, three in 10 of those surveyed that have been in a relationship for five years or more said that they never receive any compliments from their partners.

The findings also showed that more than three quarters (76 percent) of all people surveyed responded that "individual space was important" within a relationship and pointed to a rise of individual activities.

A third (34%) of those who have been seeing their partners for longer than three years have at least two evenings a month defined as a "pass" or a "ticket" where it is accepted that they can pursue their own interests and 58 percent of the same sample group enjoy regular holidays without their partners.

The top 10 everyday niggles and passion-killers:

1. Weight gain/lack of exercise, 13 percent;

2. Money & Spend thriftiness, 11 percent;

3. Anti-social working hours, 10 percent;

4. Hygiene issues (personal cleanliness), 9 percent;

5. In-Laws/extended family - too much/too little, 9 percent;

6. Lack of romance (sex, treats etc.), 8 percent;

7. Alcohol - drinking too much, 7 percent;

8. Snoring & anti social bedtime habits, 6 percent;

9. Lapsed fashion-Same old underwear/clothes, 4 percent;

10. Bathroom habits - Stray nail cuttings etc., 4 percent.

==

Financially Preparing for a Divorce

Financially preparing for a divorce

It's the busiest time of the year for divorce lawyers. Family law attorney Kelly Chang talks with Tess Vigeland about why so many people seek to end a marriage at this time, the average cost of divorce and what she thinks about pre-nups.


Click here to listen to the interview.

TEXT OF INTERVIEW

TESS VIGELAND: We've gone a couple of weeks now without hearing about it being the "most wonderful time of the year." So let's get right to the not-so-wonderful part of the year. January is considered the busy season for divorce attorneys. And as the economy returns -- somewhat -- to normal, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reports an uptick in clients wanting to end their marriages.

Los Angeles family law attorney Kelly Chang is here to talk money, marriage, and the dissolution thereof. Welcome.

KELLY CHANG: Thank you. It's good to be here.

VIGELAND: What is it about this time of year that encourages people to take that first step toward ending a marriage. Were they just hoping to get through the holidays?

CHANG: Yes. There's a lot of that. And it's also the same reason you see long lines at the gym. It's New Year's resolution to be single.

VIGELAND: So much of this is circumstantial based on the individual lifestyle, but what does the average divorce cost?

CHANG: Well, it really depends. If you hire a divorce lawyer, they're going to bill you by the hour. You can do it on your own for relatively cheap. So it really depends. It's kind of like a roof -- you can do it for cheap or you can hire a professional contractor to do it for a lot more.

VIGELAND: Let's talk a little bit about how people can prepare themselves for this happening. What should each party start doing with their finances?

CHANG: Generally, I see in a couple, in a relationship, somebody assumes the total responsibility, leaving the other person in the dark. So if you're the person in the dark, I would get out of the dark. Find the latest statements -- they're mailed the house or you could call the bank. What matters, if you don't have a pre-nup, is what is acquired during the marriage and that includes credit card debt.

VIGELAND: What do you find in terms of the cost for trying to get a settlement between yourselves versus going to court?

CHANG: Much better.

VIGELAND: Court has to be more expensive.

CHANG: Everything costs money, so if it takes up too much time, it's costing too much money. So if you can reach a settlement agreement, do it on your own. It saves money.

VIGELAND: What do you find in terms of couples being able to do that. Is there a ratio of amicable to not amicable divorces?

CHANG: It's interesting. I think in the past few years, I have seen a rise in more amicable behavior in the divorces and it's probably because people can't afford to fight.

VIGELAND: Ah, because of the economy?

CHANG: Correct.

VIGELAND: Because I have a divorce attorney in the studio with me, I do have to ask about your thoughts on pre-nups. Based on your experience with couples going through a divorce, does it help? Does it make things easier or worse?

CHANG: I think it makes things much easier. Get a pre-nup. Marriage is grand. Divorce is twenty grand. Get a pre-nup. Get a pre-nup. I don't care if you don't have anything. You have to come in. If you have a 401(k), half of that could be belonging to your spouse, whatever is accumulated during the marriage. You have to protect yourself.

VIGELAND: Kelly Chang is a family law attorney here in Los Angeles, and we've been talking about January as a big month for, unfortunately, divorces. Thanks for coming in.

CHANG: Thank you, Tess.

Marriage Advice for William and Kate

LONDON (AP) — Prince William and fiancee Kate Middleton have another chore on their must-do pre-wedding list: Sit down with priests to think about the vows they will make.

The couple are expected to meet Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams and Bishop of London Richard Chartres before they marry April 29, palace officials said Wednesday. Both clergy will be involved in the wedding ceremony at London's Westminster Abbey.

"It's customary for a priest to meet with the couple before their wedding," said Maria Papworth, Williams' spokeswoman.

These marriage preparation sessions include discussions on how to handle marital disagreements and how to prepare for the changes brought on by parenthood. Meetings often take place in groups, but talks for the soon-to-be royal couple will be private and strictly confidential.

The marriage of William's parents, Prince Charles and Princess Diana, ended in divorce. St. James Palace would not comment on whether they also received similar attention, but it is normal practice for a Church of England wedding.

For more marriage advice (from a divorce lawyer), see here.
Copyright © 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Sign Here

Move over, heirs and heiresses: Baby boomers are flocking to sign prenuptial agreements, too..

New Yorkers Laura Jackson and Gary Zaremba met on a dating website in 2005. Two years later, Mr. Zaremba, a 52-year-old real-estate developer, popped the question. Ms. Jackson accepted.

Then he popped another: "Will you sign a prenuptial agreement?"

He had been through a divorce, had a college-age son and several real-estate investments. She, a publicist and also 52, had never married.

"When he first mentioned it," Ms. Jackson, now Ms. Jackson-Zaremba, says, "I thought, 'Oh, my God.' It definitely took a little bit of the romance out."

Baby boomers looking to protect their assets are increasingly turning to prenuptial agreements—legal contracts drawn up before a marriage that dictate what happens to assets in the event a couple should part ways, either by divorce or death.

"They used to be for the rich and famous," says Marlene Eskind Moses, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and a lawyer in Nashville, Tenn. "It's become more commonplace in the market as an estate-planning opportunity for boomers."

Even before the financial crisis hit, prenuptial agreements were on the rise: Some 80% of matrimonial lawyers said they had seen an increase in couples signing them in recent years, according to a 2006 survey sponsored by the matrimonial lawyers group.

The financial crisis—which hit boomers, those born between 1946 and 1964, especially hard—accelerated the trend. Many of them, just on the cusp of retirement, saw their investment portfolios pounded, as the Dow Jones Industrial Average fell 53% from Oct. 9, 2007, to March 6, 2009. Home values, which represented significant chunks of boomer net worth, were down almost 31% as of March 31 from their peak in mid-2006, according to the S&P/Case-Shiller national index.

As a result, boomers have become more anxious to hold on to whatever they have left, says Gabriel Cheong, a divorce attorney with Infinity Law Group LLC in Quincy, Mass. Today, the majority of inquiries come from boomers "concerned about protecting their assets," he says. "Not just with the markets, but with protecting their spouses and children." And they often enter a marriage with substantial assets—and children from an earlier union.

Baby boomers are more likely to get married multiple times than younger or older couples because they also are more likely to have gotten divorced. Almost 40% of boomers who have been married have gone through at least one divorce, according to 2004 Census data, the most recent available, while only about 30% of all people who have been married have been divorced. By their 50th birthday, 27% of boomers have moved on to their second or third marriage.

None of this, of course, makes discussing a prenup with one's betrothed any easier. Ms. Jackson-Zaremba and Mr. Zaremba "put the elephant on the table," he says, and disclosed everything to each other before their lawyers drafted the agreement. Though his net worth was significantly higher than hers, she had retirement savings and an annual salary she wanted to keep separate. He owned a string of properties in several states and several lighthouses he was in the process of restoring that he, too, wanted to keep separate.

Under the terms of the prenup, one investment property on Long Island's North Fork that the couple purchased would be owned 75% by Mr. Zaremba and 25% by Ms. Jackson-Zaremba. A second property on Long Island would have the same split, but after five years ownership would change to 50-50. Assets filed on a joint tax return wouldn't be considered joint assets, the agreement states, and Mr. Zaremba's name would be added to the lease on Ms. Jackson-Zaremba's New York apartment. Neither party would take on each other's debts. Ms. Jackson-Zaremba also would receive a life-insurance policy, a provision added in the drafting.

Lawyers usually recommend that couples with substantial assets—or those who expect to inherit such assets later on—consider a prenup. Without one, they are at the mercy of a smorgasbord of state laws in the event of a divorce or death. In "community property" states, such as California, marital assets are typically split 50-50. In "equitable distribution" states, judges generally look at what is "fair," so all marital property is considered before it is divided.

Such uncertainty has helped prenups gain favor as estate-planning tools. Yet they are anything but simple to execute, and prospective couples need to make sure they avoid some common traps.

Bulletproofing a Prenup

The drafting of a prenuptial agreement, and the discussion surrounding it, should begin several months before the wedding date. If the signing terms of a prenup are later deemed rushed or ill-informed, a court can choose not to enforce the contract. Prenups are contracts, after all, and lawyers rely on decades of case law for guidance in drafting them. That has made the documents more complicated.

There still isn't any guarantee that the agreement would be bulletproof from future challenges by a former spouse, says Gary Skoloff, a family lawyer with Skoloff & Wolfe in Livingston, N.J. "A lawyer can no more guarantee that a prenup is enforced than a doctor can guarantee the result of a surgery," he says. Having each party represented by a lawyer generally decreases the likelihood that a judge might deem a prenup unfit, experts say.

Still, there are some general rules that experts say will help the document hold up in court. When drafting a prenup, lawyers generally divide goods into two major pools: assets created before the marriage and assets created during the marriage. In addition to assets, responsibility for paying off debts incurred both before and during the marriage can be divided in a prenup.

Some older prenups cited fixed-dollar amounts. That made it easier to contest them, as inflation eroded the value of many assets or, conversely, as some assets, such as real estate, saw their value sharply increase. Lawyers now prefer to disclose the ownership stake—and, when possible, the value—of all assets for transparency, but also to address how appreciation of assets or new contributions will be divided.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is trying to hide assets. "The worst thing you can do is play games," Mr. Skoloff says, "because then you've lost credibility with your spouse. And a judge."

Another rule of thumb: A prenup can't contain anything that violates a state's laws or public policy. In Florida, for example, any kind of debt incurred before a marriage—regardless of what a prenup says—is considered a nonmarital debt, so it wouldn't transfer over to a spouse, says Mitchell Karpf, a marital and family lawyer with Young, Berman, Karpf & Gonzalez in North Miami Beach, Fla. Some couples do choose to insert sunset provisions, so that the prenup expires after a certain number of years of marriage.

Doctors, lawyers, members of a family business or others who have a shared practice may suggest their peers draft prenups to ensure a spouse can't take income from the business. Conversely, a spouse who contributes to a business might want to ensure that their work is compensated.

The Next Generation

Tanya Porter, 60, and her husband, Darrell, 72, signed a prenup when they were married 27 years ago for one overriding purpose: to ensure their assets would go to their children from previous marriages in the event of a divorce or death. Today, many things in the agreement are moot, with stocks sold, cars long since traded in and kids all grown up. "It's funny now to reread it," says Ms. Porter, now a full-time wedding planner in Englewood, Colo.

In recent years, as more couples have drafted prenups, the documents have expanded to spell out terms of the marriage itself, addressing issues such as adultery, intimacy or weight gain, Ms. Moses says. Some prenups also determine things like what religion children will be raised as, or where they will attend school. However, child-support and custody agreements typically aren't included in prenups because those are to be determined separately by the courts.

Because prenups are general legal contracts, same-sex couples may be able to draft financial agreements, even if their state doesn't legally recognize the union, she says. "People are free to contract," Ms. Moses says.

Some baby boomers, anxious about how their assets will be passed on, are even requiring their children to consider prenups, says Daniel E. Clement, a divorce lawyer in New York. Typically, younger couples just starting out with equal assets wouldn't need one. But if a spouse has wealth such as a trust or inheritance they either intend to give or receive, a prenup might make sense.

"When they hand that money down, they want to make sure it's not lost on an heir's spouse when they want to give it to the heir," Mr. Clement says. "I think people are more cognizant that money can be there today, gone tomorrow in a flash."

Another concern for many couples: how inheritances are spent. A spouse's inheritance may belong only to that spouse, but if it is spent toward a home that both live in, it could be considered joint property. Couples can use a prenup to clearly spell out ownership stakes.

Melissa Brides and her husband Aaron Ockman of Santa Monica, Calif., decided that a prenup wasn't in order, even after his parents suggested one. Although taken aback, Ms. Brides—herself a child of divorce—says she "understood why they were asking." The two 34-year-olds have roughly the same net worth, but Mr. Ockman co-owns an apartment building with his parents.

Even though the couple finally decided against getting a prenup, having the discussion was beneficial. Mr. Ockman's parents drafted a separate agreement among the three family members stipulating what share of the property Mr. Ockman owns in the event the building is sold.

As for the Jackson-Zarembas, their prenuptial agreement was written to sunset after 15 years. It was signed on July 11, 2008. The couple was wed the next day and have been happily married ever since.

"Sometimes," Mr. Zaremba says, "the best contracts are the ones you don't have to use."

I Do's and I Dont's
Some pointers on what and what not to do when considering a prenuptial agreement:

Do
- Have each party represented by a lawyer
- Start talking about and drafting the agreement several months before the wedding
- Consider enlisting the help of a marriage counselor, financial planner or accountant.
- Research whether an additional waiver is needed for a workplace retirement plan.

Don't
- Hide any assets from a future spouse.
- Forget to assign responsibility for joint and separate debts, if applicable.
- Include things that could violate state laws, such as child-support payments.
- Use a prenup as a substitute for a will or estate plan.

"The prenup changed me," she says. "I became more assertive." Most of all, she finds it much easier, both professionally and personally, to discuss money.

Write to Mary Pilon at mary.pilon@wsj.com

For more information on prenups, please visit our websites here and here.

Divorce: Three Times a Charm for Charlie Sheen

It's been a tough week for Charlie Sheen. On Tuesday, the 45-year-old actor was hospitalized after an "adverse" reaction to prescription medication. And on Monday (November 1), the "Two and a Half Men" star and wife Brooke Mueller filed for divorce citing "irreconcilable differences."

Back in May, Sheen and Mueller signed a 43-page settlement that divided all their assets and settled a child custody agreement. According to documents obtained by TMZ, the couple are seeking joint custody of their twins, Bob and Max.

In addition to physical custody, Mueller will receive $55,000 a month in child support. That monetary sum must be no less than the amount of support he is obliged to pay for his children with ex-wife Denise Richards, as the document reads, "Under no circumstances shall the child support paid by Charlie for Bob and Max be less than the child support paid by Charlie to Denise Richards for Sam and Lola."

The couple, who married in May 2008, have experienced their share of trouble, including a domestic dispute over Christmas at their home in Aspen, Colorado. Sheen had reportedly threatened Mueller with a knife and was charged with misdemeanor third-degree assault as a result of a plea deal. He later entered rehab "as a preventative measure," according to a statement issued by his publicist.

Marriage and Business Don't Mix

Why Spouses Make Lousy Business Partners
By Stephen J. Dunn, Forbes.comToday

Last month I wrote a column for Forbes about the tax reasons that spouses make lousy business partners. First, business-related tax problems could threaten both spouses' assets and credit if they're partners. Second, if the marriage sours, one spouse might call in the Internal Revenue Service to investigate the other.

Now, from my own practice comes a case that makes my point. Ron, a longtime client, has given me permission to tell his story, provided he's not identified, as a warning to others. Ron called a few months ago. He said that he had found some correspondence indicating that his wife was having an affair. In the correspondence Ron's wife said that she was going to leave Ron in June of this year. In June they would have been married five years, and she would have, at that point, been entitled to a share of Ron's property under their prenuptial agreement. (She is Ron's second wife.)

At about the same time Ron began noting that key financial documentation of his business was missing. A flash drive containing sales and cash receipts data was missing. Ron's wife worked as the bookkeeper of his business. I asked Ron whether he had been reporting all of his business income on his tax returns. Ron said that he had not reported some income that he had been paid in cash.

I told Ron that it was a scenario I had seen all too many times in the past. She was going to divorce him and use his tax exposure to leverage a better financial settlement for herself in the divorce, and possibly report Ron to the IRS Criminal Investigation Division.

I advised Ron to see a divorce attorney. Ron was reluctant. He wondered if the facts really meant what they so clearly did mean (to all the world except Ron). He talked about reconciling with his wife.

I also advised Ron to do a voluntary disclosure with the IRS. This was an agonizing decision for Ron, as it would cost him dearly in additional tax and interest, and possibly penalties, as well as legal and accounting fees. But it would prevent Ron from being prosecuted for having failed to report some of his income.

Ron followed my advice. His divorce is nearly final. The IRS notified Ron two weeks ago that his voluntary disclosure had been accepted, meaning he isn't at risk of being prosecuted.

Last week a divorce attorney representing Ron's wife called Ron's divorce attorney and, not surprisingly, mentioned the income that had been omitted from Ron's tax returns.

Yesterday Ron received a text message from his soon-to-be ex-wife. In the message she acknowledged that she would not receive any of Ron's property because he "had all of his ducks lined up." She specifically mentioned Ron's voluntary disclosure to the IRS. Neither Ron, his divorce attorney nor I had mentioned the voluntary disclosure to Ron's wife or to her attorney. How do you suppose she learned of it? Is it possible she herself had gone to the IRS in search of an informant's reward? (For more on IRS and informants, click here.)

Stephen J. Dunn is a tax attorney in Birmingham, Mich., adjunct lecturer in the University of Michigan-Dearborn College of Business and author. Write to him at steve@demolaw.com.

15 Ways to Predict Divorce

15 Ways to Predict Divorce
by Anneli Rufus

Please review the divorce calculator mentioned at the end of this article, which contains a relevant cite from attorney Kelly Chang Rickert.

How long will your marriage last? Depends on if you smoke, which church you go to, and which state you live in. Anneli Rufus on the shocking statistics.

You can't guarantee the longevity of a marriage, but what you can do is play the odds.

Researchers have studied marriage success rates from nearly every conceivable angle, and what they've found is that everything from smoking habits to what state you live in can predict how likely it is that your union will survive. Here are 15 ways to gauge whether your marriage is for the long haul—or on the fast track to Splitsville.

1. If you're a married American, your marriage is between 40 and 50 percent likely to end in divorce.
After peaking at 50 percent in the 1980s, the national divorce rate has dropped steadily, but in the public's mind, that outdated "half of all marriages" figure still sticks—and scares. "Inflated divorce statistics create an ambivalence about marriage," says Tara Parker-Pope, author of For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage. "The bottom line is that modern marriages are getting more and more resilient. With each generation, we're getting a little better about picking mates. A different kind of marriage is emerging in this century." (Source: David Popenoe, "The Future of Marriage in America," University of Virginia/National Marriage Project/The State of Our Unions, 2007)

2. If you live in a red state, you're 27 percent more likely to get divorced than if you live in a blue state.

Maybe that's because red-state couples traditionally marry younger—and the younger the partners, the riskier the marriage. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the states with the lowest median age at marriage are Utah, Arkansas, Kentucky, and Oklahoma. (Source: National Vital Statistics Report, 2003; cited in The Compassionate Community: Ten Values to Unite America, by Jonathan Miller and Al Gore)

3. If you argue with your spouse about finances once a week, your marriage is 30 percent more likely to end in divorce than if you argue with your spouse about finances less frequently.
Money woes kill marriages. The same study also found that couples with no assets at the beginning of a three-year period are 70 percent more likely to divorce by the end of that period than couples with $10,000 in assets. Most divorce risk factors—such as age and education level—correlate with poverty, says Statistics in Plain English author Timothy Urdan. "Whenever you see an explanation for anything, try to figure out what the explanations are for those explanations." (Source: Jeffrey Dew, "Bank on It: Thrifty Couples Are the Happiest," University of Virginia/National Marriage Project/The State of Our Unions, 2009)

4. If your parents were divorced, you're at least 40 percent more likely to get divorced than if they weren't. If your parents married others after divorcing, you're 91 percent more likely to get divorced.
This could be because witnessing our parents' divorces reinforces our ambivalence about commitment in a "disposable society," says Divorce Magazine publisher Dan Couvrette. "In most people's minds, it's easier to get a new car than fix the one you've got." (Source: Nicholas Wolfinger, Understanding the Divorce Cycle, Cambridge University Press, 2005)

5. If only one partner in your marriage is a smoker, you're 75 percent to 91 percent more likely to divorce than smokers who are married to fellow smokers.
"The more similar people are in their values, backgrounds, and life goals, the more likely they are to have a successful marriage," notes Tara Parker-Pope. From age to ethnicity to unhealthy habits, dissimilarities between spouses increase divorce risks. (Source: Rebecca Kippen, Bruce Chapman and Peng Yu, "What's Love Got to Do With It? Homogamy and Dyadic Approaches to Understanding Marital Instability," Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, 2009)

6. If you have a daughter, you're nearly 5 percent more likely to divorce than if you have a son.
This figure multiplies with the numbers of daughters or sons. "We think it happens because fathers get more invested in family life when they have boys," says Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage, a History and director of research for the Council on Contemporary Families.
(Source: Gordon Dahl and Enrico Moretti, "The Demand for Sons," published in the Review of Economic Studies, 2005)

7. If you're an evangelical Christian adult who has been married, there's a 26 percent likelihood that you've been divorced—compared to a 28 percent chance for Catholics and a 38 percent chance for non-Christians.
That's according to the evangelically affiliated Barna Research Group, whose long-term clients include the Disney Channel. The same study cited a 30 percent divorce rate for atheists.
(Source: The Barna Group, "Divorce Among Adults Who Have Been Married," 2008)http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/15-familykids/42-new-marriage-and-divorce-statistics-released

8. If you live in Wayne County, Indiana, and are over 15 years old, there's a 19.2 percent chance that you've been divorced.
This mostly rural county hugging the Ohio border, renowned in the 1920s as a KKK stronghold, leads the nation in percentage of divorced residents. Florida's Monroe County, which includes the Keys, holds second place at 18 percent. (Source: U.S. Census Bureau, 2008 estimates)

9. If both you and your partner have had previous marriages, you're 90 percent more likely to get divorced than if this had been the first marriage for both of you.
"A lot of data shows that second marriages should be more successful than first marriages," says Tara Parker-Pope. But this statistic is skewed by serial marriers, "and no one has yet found a way to take the Larry Kings and Elizabeth Taylors out of the equation." (Source: Rebecca Kippen, Bruce Chapman and Peng Yu, "What's Love Got to Do With It? Homogamy and Dyadic Approaches to Understanding Marital Instability," Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, 2009)

10. If you're a woman two or more years older than your husband, your marriage is 53 percent more likely to end in divorce than if he was one year younger to three years older.
Wide age gaps between spouses can create sexual discord and other disagreements. "Our culture is so focused on personal satisfaction and happiness that some people feel this is a contributing factor in divorce," says lawyer Emily Doskow, author of Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce. "Each partner keeps saying, 'I know I could be happier.'" (Source: Rebecca Kippen, Bruce Chapman and Peng Yu, "What's Love Got to Do With It? Homogamy and Dyadic Approaches to Understanding Marital Instability," Melbourne Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, 2009)

11. If you're of "below average" intelligence, you're 50 percent more likely to be divorced than those of "above average" intelligence.
Presented by University of Delaware education professor Linda Gottfredson, codirector of the Delaware-Johns Hopkins Project for the Study of Intelligence and Society, this figure joins assertions in Richard Herrnstein and Charles Murray's controversial 1994 bestseller The Bell Curve that those with IQs of 100 face a 28 percent probability of divorce in the first five years of marriage, compared to just a 9 percent probability for those with IQs of 130. (Source: Linda S. Gottfredson, "The General Intelligence Factor," Scientific American, Winter 1998, and Richard J. Herrnstein and Charles A. Murray, The Bell Curve: Intelligence and Class Structure in American Life, Simon & Schuster, 1994, page 176)

12. If you've been diagnosed with cervical cancer, your likelihood of getting divorced is 40 percent higher than standard rates; it's 20 percent higher if you've been diagnosed with testicular cancer.
Norwegian Cancer Registry researcher Astri Syse suspects that this is because these two cancers affect sexual activity and afflict mainly young people. Syse also found that breast-cancer survivors, an older group, are 8 percent less likely to divorce than their counterparts who have not had breast cancer. (Source: Astri Syse, "Couples More Likely to Divorce if Spouse Develops Cervical or Testicular Cancer," study presented at the European Cancer Conference, 2007)

13. If you have twins or triplets, your marriage is 17 percent more likely to end in divorce than if your children are not multiple births.
Multiple births bring money woes, which bring stress. "I always think of marriage as a bridge that connects two hills," says Brette Sember, author of The Divorce Organizer & Planner. "The bridge might be solid and well-made, but if an earthquake causes one or both hills to shake, the bridge is weakened." (Source: Stephen McKay, "The Effects of Twins and Multiple Births on Families and Their Living Standards," Twins and Multiple Births Association, 2010)

14. If you're a female serial cohabiter—a woman who has lived with more than one partner before your first marriage—then you're 40 percent more likely to get divorced than women who have never done so.
Although "playing house" seems like good practice for married life, it can also make living together seem less permanent. "People feel like, 'If it doesn't work out, we can just step out of this,'" says lawyer Emily Doskow. Statistics show that marriages preceded by cohabitation have better chances of success when couples became officially engaged before moving in together.
(Source: Daniel T. Lichter, Zhenchao Qian, "Serial Cohabitation: Implications for Marriage, Divorce, and Public Policy," Brown University Population and Training Center, 2007)

15. If you're in a male same-sex marriage, it's 50 percent more likely to end in divorce than a heterosexual marriage.

If you're in a female same-sex marriage, this figure soars to 167 percent.
A research team led by Stockholm University demography professor Gunnar Anderson based their calculations on legal partnerships in Norway and Sweden, where five out of every 1,000 new couples are same-sex. (Source: Gunnar Andersson, "Divorce-Risk Patterns in Same-Sex Marriages in Norway and Sweden," Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, 2004)
Want to assess your own marriage's chances of failure based on your personal demographics? Economist Betsey Stevenson created this "divorce calculator" for the Divorce360 website:
http://www.divorce360.com/content/divorcecalculator.aspx

Anneli Rufus is the author of many books, including Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto and the Nautilus Award-winning Stuck: Why We Don't (or Won't) Move On, and the coauthor of still more, including Weird Europe and The Scavengers' Manifesto. Her books have been translated into numerous languages, including Chinese and Latvian. In 2006, she won a Society of Professional Journalists award for criticism.

Divorce: "Prenups" and "Renups!"

This is not a celebrity gossip blog. And I am not here today to debate all the salacious issues in the ongoing Tiger Woods saga! Frankly, at this point, I wish the media would just leave this couple alone to work out their marital problems. Of course, that is unlikely to occur, isn't it?

But in today's post, I wanted simply to point out that the Tiger Woods "situation" has promoted the use of a new word in the English language: a "renup!" (Post-nups have been around for a while, but a "renup" is a little different)!

Everyone has heard of the word "prenup," which is short for prenuptial agreement. A prenuptial agreement refers to a pre-marital contract which allows a wealthy suitor to protect their fortune by limiting the amount of alimony, (or property division), which the poorer spouse can claim in the event of a divorce. (I've never figured out exactly how you would raise the idea of a prenup with your sweetheart prior to proposing marriage! Talk about killing the romance!) But from now on, after the Tiger Woods saga, everyone will also be talking about "renups," or renuptial agreements, which will refer to a prenuptial, or postnup, agreement which is re-negotiated by an aggrieved spouse after "Sluggo" has been caught "up to no good!" I suspect most wealthy men will, if given a choice, select a "renup," over a "post-snip!"

Not much good exists in the Tiger Woods situation. But I guess drafting "renups" will at least give some celebrity divorce lawyers greater job security!

Madonna Divorce Rumors

Hollywood 411 summoned me to come discuss Madonna's impending divorce on air today. Unfortunately, I had other obligations.

Apparently, the couple who married December 22, 2000 (almost 8 years), are fighting nasty divorce rumors. Madonna has reportedly consulted with a divorce attorney. They allegedly have no premarital agreement.

Madonna is reportedly worth $595 million. So...What's at stake?

Properties

A £7 million family townhouse in Marylebone, London and a 10-bedroom, £6million property next door.

Two mews cottages for £2million each.

A £3.6million building in the West End used as the Kabbalah headquarters and a £1.6 million five-storey townhouse in Regents Park also used by the sect.

A £10million Ashcombe House estate in Wiltshire.

A £2million apartment in Manhattan, New York which overlooks Central Park and an adjoining apartment next door worth the same amount.



Cars

The couples vehicles include a £47,000 Audi Q7 4x4 a £35,000 Mercedes Benz people carrier and a £58,000 Range Rover 4.2 V8.

Here is a photo of the currently-intact family:


I do hope they can work it out.

Should I get a Prenup, and When?

Today, I received a phone call from a client wanting a prenuptial agreement. His fiancee drafted a prenup, and gave it to him. He wants changes. His wedding is on Saturday. "It's too late," I told him.

California Family Code section 1615 (c)(2) clearly states that "It shall be deemed that a premarital agreement was not executed voluntarily unless the court finds in writing or on the record all of the following: THE PARTY AGAINST WHOM ENFORCEMENT IS SOUGHT HAD NOT LESS THAN SEVEN (7) CALENDAR DAYS BETWEEN TIME THE PARTY WAS FIRST PRESENTED WITH THE AGREEMENT AND ADVISED TO SEEK INDEPENDENT LEGAL COUNSEL AND THE TIME THE AGREEMENT WAS SIGNED.

Obviously, this can be interpreted in several ways. I tend to be very protective of my clients, so my policy is that the FINAL AGREEMENT must be presented and accepted as final by all parties, then a waiting period of 7 days, AND THEN signatures. The signature may even occur on the date of the wedding, but to be safe, I recommend one week. This means, you should leave yourself AT LEAST two (2) weeks prior to the wedding to have a finalized agreement.

THIS MEANS you need to hire an attorney AT LEAST 4 -6 weeks prior to your wedding, so the planning, drafting, and negotiating can take place.

If you are planning a wedding, you need to make your premarital agreement part of the process. It is THE TO-DO on your list of to-do's.

I turned down the prospective client. I told him that the prenup is no good. Beware of attorneys out there who will draft a prenup 5 days prior to the wedding. You may as well do it yourself on a piece of toilet paper, and then flush it.

If you want to learn more about premarital agreements, please read my highly-informative ARTICLE.